Lucky Number 7

Overwhelmed is the word I would use. 7 men in my life. How do I deal with that? It is way too much to handle. I have successfully realized, as these past few weeks have rolled on, that God knows what He's doing. I am continually allowing these guys and other distractions of my daily to life to overshadow God and His dominion in my life. I am pushing Him to the back burner when He should be int he forefront. I am allowing this male attention to build me up. I am living out of the flesh, out of my sinful nature, instead of putting my faith and trust in God and His plan and His timing. This is the sin I always revert back to. It is where I go when I need reassurance and when I need to feel a sense of belonging. This is not right! Living this way displeases and dishonors the God of the Universe. I am stepping back. I am giving these men and all these relationships to God. If any of them are supposed to be with me in the future, they will be. I do not hae to continually seek their approval or their attention. God is the one I need to be focusing on, now and always. Thank you Lord for your unending love and forgiveness!

Searching

Why do we as humans always want more? We're stuck in this cycle of constantly wanting the newest, the bigger, the best. We forget to be thankful for everything we have and how much it means to us. I am guilty of this phenomena. We want people to read our minds and say exactly the right thing. In reality, they can't read our minds and they're saying something so wonderful but we can't take it at face value. We analyze. We nitpick. We criticize. Why? This makes no sense. I say that it's time we start appreciating what we have and loving the people in our lives for the people they are. Let's stop trying to fix them. Let's love them. God has given show much for us. He loves us so much and we are nothing but continual sinners committing the same offenses over and over again. Why are we searching for more than that amazing, incredible love as if God's love is not enough. It is enough! God's love is sufficient! It is more than enough, it covers all our dirty, despicable sin and saves us! How amazing. What an amazing and truly overwhelming love.

Thoughts on Love

I am definitely a romantic. I am a person that is in love with love. I am a fan of all that is romance. However, when I am in a relationship, I tend to be very realistic. I consider very carefully before I begin dating anyone. It is not, and cannot be all about love, romance, or a feeling. Yes, I think this plays a part in a romantic relationship, but if that is all that is there, the relationship will be very shallow and will not last long. Like it or not, that feeling fizzles and what’s left is friendship, an understanding of who someone is that we take for face value. True love is not about romance at all. True love is about completely understanding a person and still wanting to pursue a romantic relationship with that person. It is about loving everything, even the flaws, and the things that are not easy to love. Love becomes a choice, after awhile it is not a feeling.

Friends or Forever?

So, I’m getting this out here, so that I can put all my thoughts to rest and finally be free from them. There is this incredible, Godly man in my life and he has become my best friend. I look out for him and he looks out for me. We talk all the time, about anything at all. We are just so comfortable sharing with each other and opening up to each other. His walk with God and his passion for the Lord makes me want to pursue God more. I can only hope that my relationship with God does the same for him. I honestly feel as if he could be my one. If I were to marry him I know my life would be worthwhile. He would make me the happiest girl on this planet. His heart for god is amazing and his heart for others is so huge too. He wants to go into ministry and for me that is such an amazing thing because I want to spend my life in ministry, even if it’s not technically called ministry. I just want to follow God wherever he leads me and I want my husband to want that too. I have no idea what God has in store for me, but right now I cannot handle a relationship. Right now, I am not strong enough to trust God on my own. If another person was in my life, my relationship with God would go down the drain, and I am perfectly aware of that. If he is what God wants for my life, it is perfect, because right now, this amazing man is interested in a girl he knows from back home. She is a great girl and he has had his eye on her forever, and she is recently single. They have been talking like crazy and they are on the fence deciding if dating is the right course of action. This is good, because it allows us to continue our friendship without me beginning to have feelings for him. It is a genuine friendship! I love that! And right now, I am looking for my best friend. I am searching for a woman that God will bring into my life to guide me closer to Him and to confide in and to invest in. I need to find my best friend in a woman before I can find my best friend in a man, my husband. I guess what all this boils down to is that, if this is what God wants for my future, He could not have more perfect timing. However, it is so dangerous for me to think that way because I do not want to set my heart on him if he is not the one God wants me to marry. I am working on trusting God and surrendering everything I’m holding on to, especially my need for a man, to Him. That is all that I want to be focused on right now. Trust. Surrender. Love unselfishly.

Easy is not Always Better

Why is life so confusing and hectic and just plain difficult sometimes? Why doesn't anyone ever say what they feel or get what they want? Why are the cute guys the jerks and the sweet guys the nerds? It is so hard for me to trust God right now. He is so wonderful and has the perfect plan for me, but I wish I could just figure that plan out. I would really love to know who I'm going to marry. Knowing that one thing would make this time in my life so much easier, but then again, it wouldn'e allow me to completely rely on God to lead me. So, I guess I learned tonight that easy is not always better. You learn a lot by doing things the hard way.

Hopeless

Are we destined to choose between our dreams and love? Every time I feel like I have balance in my life and I really am the person God has designed me to be, I meet a guy, fall in love, and I change. I become a different person. I mold to them. Is that normal? I blend myself into "their type" or the person they're looking for. That woman is not me, she's a person that wants to be loved so much that she'll change into anything to keep the man, just so that she's not living a life alone and loveless. It seems so hopeless. To take a quote from a movie I recently saw, "I allow myself to be miserable with a person, so that I can be happy that I have them." It doesn't make much sense. Does it? So my question is, how do I ever find love? Am i forced to live a life that makes me choose between love and happiness. I don't think it should be like that. Love should equal happiness. I guess I just have to find me and my life and love will fit in it somewhere, and add an unspeakable happiness. Is that right? I hope it is. I am a hopeless romantic and i want to find that love. that love that is so powerful that it creates a feeling inside of you that is complete and true happiness. It is completely and truly me. I don't want to have to change for love, I want it to find me and fit me perfectly. It all just seems so hopeless right now.

Such a Blessing

Friends are one of God's gifts in life. They are wonderful. Even on your darkest day a true friend will be right by your side to be there for whatever you need. Whether its to cheer you up, give you a hug or a warm smile, or even just to listen. They are so important and such a blessing to a burdened heart. Never underestimate the power of friendship and never take your friends for granted, because just their presence can mean so much.