Fear

I like him. I like him a lot. We had so much fun together last night. This is so difficult for me. I want to be able to trust God with this and give it to him, but a part of me just wants to hold on to it. I want to make him like me too! I realize that this is acting out of fear. I learned this weekend that fear shows itself in many ways in our lives. I am afraid of not being loved. I am afraid of committing to some and him not committing to me. This is fear and fear allows us, in our sinful nature, to take control and plan and keep life explainable. It allows us to take God's plan and throw it out the window. If we don't trust God and his mighty will for our lives, then we are left empty and searching. I want to love God enough to allow him to work in my life. I want his will for my life. Unfortunately it is just so difficult to give up control. I am trying and I am working at it. I don't think it's something that happens over night. I think it is a day to day process of acknowledging God and his plan. Every morning telling God that he is in control and I am not. If it is supposed to work out between me and this boy, it will. If God has planned for it, it will happen, because I am giving my life over to his good and perfect will.

Lucky Number 7

Overwhelmed is the word I would use. 7 men in my life. How do I deal with that? It is way too much to handle. I have successfully realized, as these past few weeks have rolled on, that God knows what He's doing. I am continually allowing these guys and other distractions of my daily to life to overshadow God and His dominion in my life. I am pushing Him to the back burner when He should be int he forefront. I am allowing this male attention to build me up. I am living out of the flesh, out of my sinful nature, instead of putting my faith and trust in God and His plan and His timing. This is the sin I always revert back to. It is where I go when I need reassurance and when I need to feel a sense of belonging. This is not right! Living this way displeases and dishonors the God of the Universe. I am stepping back. I am giving these men and all these relationships to God. If any of them are supposed to be with me in the future, they will be. I do not hae to continually seek their approval or their attention. God is the one I need to be focusing on, now and always. Thank you Lord for your unending love and forgiveness!