Fear

I like him. I like him a lot. We had so much fun together last night. This is so difficult for me. I want to be able to trust God with this and give it to him, but a part of me just wants to hold on to it. I want to make him like me too! I realize that this is acting out of fear. I learned this weekend that fear shows itself in many ways in our lives. I am afraid of not being loved. I am afraid of committing to some and him not committing to me. This is fear and fear allows us, in our sinful nature, to take control and plan and keep life explainable. It allows us to take God's plan and throw it out the window. If we don't trust God and his mighty will for our lives, then we are left empty and searching. I want to love God enough to allow him to work in my life. I want his will for my life. Unfortunately it is just so difficult to give up control. I am trying and I am working at it. I don't think it's something that happens over night. I think it is a day to day process of acknowledging God and his plan. Every morning telling God that he is in control and I am not. If it is supposed to work out between me and this boy, it will. If God has planned for it, it will happen, because I am giving my life over to his good and perfect will.